Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
