somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
