There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
