yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
