I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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