Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
