So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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