Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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