no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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