Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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