never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
