sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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