Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
