I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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