i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
