THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
