They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
