I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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