I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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