it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Less talking, more tequila
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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