I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
