I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
