how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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