I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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