i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
