If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
