My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
