Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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