Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
