Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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