I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
