You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
