Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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