sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
