im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
