she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
