Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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