Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
