eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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