please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
