As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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