he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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