Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
