easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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