doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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