I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
