I wish my penis had an off switch
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
zippers are such a cool invention
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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