I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
