It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
