i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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