Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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