So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
