Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
