I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
