i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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